I knew when you looked at me that way. I knew straight away what was going to happen. I didn’t need to hear you say that “we needed to talk”. I didn’t need any of your bullshit about being friends and keeping in touch. I knew all the way long that you were going to leave me just like that, with some pathetic excuse about how we couldn’t be together anymore.
I cried for days before trying to understand. And writing things down has always helped me searching myself, my own thoughts.
At first, I couldn’t feel anything. No pain. No anger. Just emptiness. It felt like my heart had been torn apart, like you took away not only my happiness, but also every other emotion, even negative ones.
Even when I started to feel something, it wasn’t against you. It was against myself. I looked for something wrong I could’ve done. And it wasn’t difficult to find. The worst thing I’ve done in my entire life, the worst thing I could have done, was loving you. Loving you fully, with every little inch of myself, body and soul and heart. Every cell of my strange, broken person loved you. And in some wicked way, still does. Loving you was wrong all along. It made me believe you were different, you were never going to hurt me. It made me cancel all the small things you forgot.
And it made me feel incredibly fool for how much I loved someone that didn’t even deserve to be loved.
It will take years to get over you because you were my person. But I bet that since I turned that corner on the edge of crying, you never gave me a second thought.